Lesson Learned - NO


 I grew up with the idea that I had to please everyone. Bend over backward and don't forget to smile! So what if you have plans? So what if you wanted to stay at home and enjoy a quiet evening? Saying YES meant doing the right thing no matter what. Saying YES meant that my needs were not important enough and if I dared to question . . .  At times, it felt as though I had to ask permission to go out and enjoy myself. Do things that I wanted to do.

And then one day, I learned about the word NO.

No, I will not give up my plans tonight just because.

No, I don't need anyone's permission to do whatever I want to do. 

Funny how the people who couldn't accept me saying NO to them were the same ones who didn't respect my boundaries. Or even knew I had boundaries, mostly because I didn't speak up. I didn't tell those people - I really feel uncomfortable discussing this matter. Please find someone else who is more suitable. Or: Please call me before showing up at my apartment, because I may be occupied. Or: you don't get to walk all over me just because I am nice to you. No, No, No, NO!

I'm not saying that you have to be made of ice. Yes is a good word, so long as it is for a matter that is beneficial, not detrimental. However, when I learned how to stand up for myself and say NO while reclaiming my boundaries, those people left me alone or I simply walked away because I had had enough of being treated like a doormat. I try to be there for my friends but if someone starts to abuse my generosity, then I will stand up and let them know that NO, you have no right to treat me like this. And . . . if I ever misuse someone's generous spirit, I would want them to tell me NO as well. It works both ways. 

So NO, I will not listen to you and be controlled by you. YES, I have boundaries that need to be respected. Yes, I will go on a vacation and not check in with you every five minutes. Yes, I will help you if you seriously need but if you treat me badly, then NO, I am leaving. 



Lesson Learned. 

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