Fear and Curiosity In Denver - Essay


 

My Goth ways began with the 80s horror film Fright Night. You remember that movie, right? A high school guy named Charley Brewster discovers that his recently moved-in next-door neighbour is a vampire (played by Chris Sarandon). Add some killer tracks and some gore, and you've got one hell of a film! I first watched it on Betamax (showing my age!) and was mesmerized by the vampire. He was so handsome, so suave, so evil, that I began reading any book I could get my hands on that dealt with vampires. As I grew older, I got more and more into what I later learned was called the Goth subculture and I loved it. However, I also noticed that as I grew older, my fears and anxieties grew right along with me. When I lived alone in various apartments, I always felt as though some ghost or demon or vampire or whatever was creeping up behind me, ready to strike when I least expected it. I tried my best to ignore the "feelings" yet they wouldn't leave me alone, so much so that at times, I was too afraid to work on my computer at night for fear that "something was going to get me". I'm now 49, very much an eccentric, and today I finally figured out something that made me pause. 

Remember in Fright Night when Jerry Dandridge told Charley to "forget about me and I'll forget about you"? And Charley, instead of running in fear and being afraid of the vampire and agreeing to his negotiation, held up a cross instead? Well, that got me thinking about my own fears - what if? What if Charley had nodded yes, yes, sure I'll forget about you. I believe in you now, so yes, let's just drop this whole messy thing, whaddya say? I looked at my fear of seeing something that can not be explained by science and logic and wondered - what would happen if I did see a vampire, a ghost, a werewolf, anything that was not NORMAL? They would bare their fangs at me, I would huddle in fear, and then . . . I would slowly get over my fear and turn curious. Sure, I would probably get eaten, but if I was no longer afraid, then what power would they have over me? And, what if the fears I was placing before me were created by ME? Deeper level - what if my fear of being alone was actually due to me holding myself back from progressing with my dreams and goals? Use an excuse like a ghost or something. BAM!, I'm too scared to sit at my desk.  BAM! I'm too afraid to take a chance on something new. BAM! I'm too insecure to take that leap. 

Now, however, I would ask the werewolf a million questions and wonder what kind of shampoo he used. I would ask the vampire if they'd ever met Napoleon Bonaparte. I would make tea for the ghost and give it comfort. Honestly, I would actually show compassion because while they are on the fringe of what we consider to be normal, they still exist. Perhaps Charley Brewster would have still been killed by the vampire but then again, maybe the vampire, seeing that Charley now knew of its existence and was no longer afraid of it, would move away. Perhaps it's true that things that go BUMP in the night need the fear pouring from us because the moment we show curiosity, it's like the veil just dropped and we see the truth for what it really is. I don't know, maybe I'm making too much of this but my "sensitive" ways tell me that the Dark Fae are nodding and smiling. Perhaps they were waiting for me to no longer be afraid of them (myself) and just accept them (myself) for the strange and unusual and nothing more. 

"Oh, you're so cool, Brewster . . . . . "


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