Pursuing A Dream - Personal Essay

 

For the longest time, I worked in Corporate America by way of investment firms and banks. I completed my tasks, got paid, made some friends/associates, and felt a little empty inside but it was what I had to do. I had bills to pay, an apartment to upkeep, and my life to enjoy. One day in 2019, I decided to leave my current job because I learned that my manager not only threw me under the bus with regard to a work assignment but also when I confronted her with the truth that yes, I had completed what she claimed I didn't, she never replied or acknowledged that she was wrong. I couldn't work under those conditions, and so I turned in my notice and began the shaky path of being self-employed. For those of you who don't know, I own an online tea business plus I am a published author. I guess I am a creative professional or something along those lines. I spent some time working solely on my loose leaf tea blends and my novels that would be published either through my publisher or through myself on Amazon. I spent many a time crying and getting frustrated because I had gotten used to a steady paycheck and now was relying solely on when a person made a sale online. I made terrible mistakes, such as not saving enough backup money, or jumping into all of this when I had debt. And don't get me started on taxes. Plus, I also made a mistake and moved away right when COVID shut down the entire world. The bottom fell out from under me and I was terrified, yet I did whatever I could do to make it work. Months later, I received a kind offer to move to a state I knew nothing about, but I did it anyway and discovered that it was time to say "that's enough". I had had enough of chasing after other people's dreams, people who didn't give a damn, controlling assholes, as well as thinking that I wasn't worth anything. I was worth something and I was going to find it. I stopped several bad habits, paid attention to my well-being more, and asked myself the question, "what do you want?" Well . . . I wanted my dream to become a reality, and so I began the hard path of making my small business work. 

Several years later, I am now looking at what I've created and while I am grateful for the many opportunities that have come my way, I'm also realizing that it's not enough to support me. So, I'm returning to Corporate America to handle several loose ends that I allowed to grow and fester. My tea business will return to a side project that I still love, but will no longer be the main focus of my life. People say that everything happens for a reason and I'm inclined to believe that. Because of the hurdles I've had to jump over repeatedly, I learned why I made those mistakes in the first place. Now, instead of turning away from them and somewhat ignoring them, I am facing them head-on and doing whatever I can to get back to a better place on my path. I am still grateful for moving, grateful for the blessings and challenges that have come my way, and grateful that my head is screwed on correctly so that yes, I screwed up and yes, I will make it right. I am also glad that I told myself NO MORE four years ago. Thanks for reading. 

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