Lesson Learned - The Unknown




 

The fear of the unknown. That's my biggest source of anxiety, one that I know will never fully go away. Even though I am handling my reactions better, I know that it will still affect me. And I hate it. I hate not knowing what will come next. I hate wondering late at night if the next day will bring doom and gloom. I used to wake up in the middle of the night, wondering if something I said or did YEARS ago would come back to bite me on the ass. Will that one act I committed years ago finally come back as my undoing? Did I really mean to move away from everything I knew, everything that was a part of my comfort zone? What will happen regarding this virus called COVID-19? What will I do if I can't make any money through my creative pursuits? This new guy in my life wants me to move in with him; what will happen if I do? Why did I move to Colorado, a state about which I knew nothing about? I don't know anyone here - what will happen if I can't make any new friends? What if I can't find a job to support myself? What will happen when I finally cut the toxic people from my life? What if I finally tell that one person that I've had enough of their drama and draining energy? What if I don't wake up tomorrow? What if my boyfriend dumps me? What if, what if, what if . . . . 

What if I wake up one day and realize that it's a new day. A chance for new possibilities because I make them happen. What if I finally return to exercising not only my body but also my mind and my spirit. What if I look into the abyss and jump in, knowing that it will lead to what I truly need in my life. What if I decide to face the unknown with an open mind and heart. What if I just let things be and take it one day at a time. What if the worst does happen and I make it through with a lesson learned and a stronger sense of self. Yes, I moved away from my crippling comfort. Yes, I moved to Colorado and built myself up in a new and free way. Yes, I live a creative life that will sustain me. Yes, I am surrounded by friends all over the world. Yes, I looked into the abyss and jumped. 


Lesson Learned. 

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