Eccentric Tea Woman

  I am a lover of Renaissance Festivals. I love the idea of traveling back in time and enjoying a day filled with joust matches, turkey legs, and being serenaded by a man dressed as Don Quixote (that really happened). One year, I went to the Georgia Renaissance Festival with someone who had never been to one. I was more than happy to show them a part of my weird world. I dressed in somewhat period clothing, yet as I was putting on my cloak in the hotel lobby, this person told me to not put it on "because people were looking at me". Although I didn't let it ruin my day, those words did bother me for years. I used to always wonder if people were looking at me and thinking - She's SO weird! She's such a freak! Black girls don't act like THAT! Why is she trying to act white??? I heard those statements for so long that I refused to show any kind of joy at anything that was strange and unusual. How my enjoying a Harry Potter movie caused a guy I was dating at the t...

  For the longest time, it was a given that you should always put others before yourself. You should take care of others. Family comes first, no matter what. For the longest time, I believed those words - I would always come second, third, or even way way in the back. I tried to help others and I noticed something - the more I helped others, the sicker I felt. The more I put everyone else before me, the more my anxiety would beat me down. I took in everyone else's problems and made them my own. Years later, after removing toxic elements from my life, I discovered myself. I sat in a chair in a room in a house in a place that I had ignored. I looked down and noticed that I had a teacup filled with tea in my hands. I took a sip of the tea, smiled, and then felt the warmth coursing through my body. I drank more of the tea and remained quiet. After so many years of taking care of others, I wanted to take of myself now. I set my teacup in my hands and noticed ripples in the tea. I got up...

  (photo by Kimberly B. Richardson)   There are no walls here. Freedom is abundant, for a Price, to the highest bidder. The poor must stand outside And only imagine the clean Air, thinking it to be like Heaven, their collective sighs Garnish praise from the Wealthy and their wide Open spaces. This is unbalanced But balance has gone extinct Around here, something that ran Rampant but crushed under The heel of Evolution, if You believe that sort of Thing.

  Waiting and waiting and waiting. I absolutely hate to wait on anything. When I push myself to go faster, quicker, speedier, my anxiety boils up and suddenly, I'm in the middle of a panic attack. Have you ever gone through a panic attack? They feel like having a heart attack. One moment, you're tensing up because the person driving behind you is right on your bumper, even though you're in the slow lane, then the next moment you're suddenly breathing as though you've just run a marathon and your vision is blurry and you have a headache. Welcome to not waiting. I'm tired of feeling that way. I'm tired of people rushing all around me - hurry up, hurry up ! I now slow down, actually stop, and look around. I look around at the miserable faces, the people who need everything NOW! The people who yell at retail workers because they had to wait five minutes to get their item in a bag. The people who will fly by you and then give you the finger because how DARE you f...

  The fear of the unknown. That's my biggest source of anxiety, one that I know will never fully go away. Even though I am handling my reactions better, I know that it will still affect me. And I hate it. I hate not knowing what will come next. I hate wondering late at night if the next day will bring doom and gloom. I used to wake up in the middle of the night, wondering if something I said or did YEARS ago would come back to bite me on the ass. Will that one act I committed years ago finally come back as my undoing? Did I really mean to move away from everything I knew, everything that was a part of my comfort zone? What will happen regarding this virus called COVID-19? What will I do if I can't make any money through my creative pursuits? This new guy in my life wants me to move in with him; what will happen if I do? Why did I move to Colorado, a state about which I knew nothing about? I don't know anyone here - what will happen if I can't make any new friends? What ...

 20 some odd years ago, I met an older guy through Myspace. He was a talented creative person and I enjoyed his works, as did many others. When he would acknowledge me, I thought it was really special, not to mention cool. Here was this guy whose life was the kind I wanted for myself, only I had no idea how to obtain said life. Also, I had no idea what I wanted for myself AT ALL. After some time had passed, I noticed that he mildly flirted with me, yet it didn't dawn on me until years later. Sometimes, I am truly aloof. What happened next took place over many years - I flirted back and he flirted more, only to disappear for a time. What a cycle that I craved in my life. I felt as though my heart was breaking, yet I never gave up on trying to talk with him. Hell, not even speak to me, but at least acknowledge me. Whenever I posted photos online, I hoped that he would comment on them. And yet, in looking back, I only received messages when he felt like it. Well, I finally met him and...

  It was a day like any other - I had taken a break from work to talk with my boyfriend at the time. I knew he'd been with friends after a job interview. He had plans to return to his home city after being away from it for over ten years. I wanted to hear his voice, and my anxiety wanted to make sure that we were still cool with each other. Imagine my surprise when not only did he say that he was no longer interested in me, but he was telling me, "since so many guys flirt with you, why don't you pursue one of them?" I had told him that I met many men (and women) at sci-fi conventions while selling my books, and of course, many guys flirted with me. However, I wasn't interested in any of them because I was happy with my relationship. I couldn't believe what he was telling me, and twenty minutes later, I returned to work with tears streaming down my face. Years later, I wish I could tell him THANK YOU for what he did. Yes, he was afraid to continue the relations...