The Art of Apologies




 
For the past several days, I've been dealing with a matter that has left me quite frustrated for a myriad of reasons. Today, I spoke with someone over the phone regarding the matter and found myself becoming more and more frustrated. The tone of my voice was quite apparent that I was not happy. After I hung up, I went out to handle some errands, only to think about how I behaved over the phone. True, the situation was a hot mess and every time I explained to them my situation, it seemed as though I wasn't heard. However, I had no right to speak in a frustrating tone to the person on the phone; she was only doing her job. How many times have we either yelled at someone or someone yelled at us over a matter that we had no control over? How many times have we felt helpless and lashed out because "we just needed to do it"? And . . . how many times have we stopped and engaged in the Art of Apologies?

I've been yelled at many times and I've done my sharing of yelling too. Yet, during the times when I knew I had done nothing wrong, it hurt even more so. We begin to overthink about the matter and then ask ourselves - what's wrong with me? Why can't I do anything right? We think we are lower than low and that we don't deserve anything good. In the past several months, I've been learning more about seeing matters from other perspectives - when we are the receiver of someone's yelling and cursing, can we ask ourselves: are THEY going through something? For me, I've got a lot on my plate, plus trying to prepare for the upcoming Golden Farmers Market. And that's partiallywhere the frustrated tone came from. It also came from the company not seeming to comprehend what I was trying to tell them repeatedly.

It's hard sometimes to not internalize when someone yells at you. It's hard sometimes to not take a step back and ask ourselves WHY we just yelled at that person. I'm not saying that we all need to become saints or holy people living on mountains. We're human. We're flawed. We're going to make mistakes. A lot of mistakes. Yet, we can also stop for a moment and ask WHY. Why was I such a dick to that person? Why did that person yell at me, when all I did was smile at them? Let's face it - we will never live lives that will please everyone on the planet. We will never be truly pure of heart. Yet, we can try to do and be better every day. 

I sent an email to the company I dealt with earlier today, apologizing for my abrupt behaviour. I don't want a reply. That wasn't the reason why I sent it. I sent the email because it was the right thing to do. 

That felt good. 



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