Eccentric Tea Woman

  Whitman tapped me on the shoulder and told me that I needed  to get over it. Why is everyone so miserable, he asked. You have it all and still you cry because it is  never enough. I looked into those old eyes (he was right, even for a dead poet) and made him a cup of tea. Well now, he said, perhaps you have made a new step. We sipped our sencha in silence among the leaves of grass. Viridian Tea Company - Strange and Unusual Tea Blends! Click HERE for the Etsy store link!

  drinking coffee for the 1827th time. a promise made by way of neutral glances. I want to remember this moment - here and now -  and understand that it is not fleeting by like they told us it would. coffee, hazelnut, and milk to remind me of this moment. you had nowhere to be as did I. the snow muffled every sound. a small sip that burned my tongue. your hand, resting on mine.  Viridian Tea Company - Strange and Unusual Tea Blends! Click HERE for the Etsy store!

  I am a lover of Renaissance Festivals. I love the idea of traveling back in time and enjoying a day filled with joust matches, turkey legs, and being serenaded by a man dressed as Don Quixote (that really happened). One year, I went to the Georgia Renaissance Festival with someone who had never been to one. I was more than happy to show them a part of my weird world. I dressed in somewhat period clothing, yet as I was putting on my cloak in the hotel lobby, this person told me to not put it on "because people were looking at me". Although I didn't let it ruin my day, those words did bother me for years. I used to always wonder if people were looking at me and thinking - She's SO weird! She's such a freak! Black girls don't act like THAT! Why is she trying to act white??? I heard those statements for so long that I refused to show any kind of joy at anything that was strange and unusual. How my enjoying a Harry Potter movie caused a guy I was dating at the t...

  For the longest time, it was a given that you should always put others before yourself. You should take care of others. Family comes first, no matter what. For the longest time, I believed those words - I would always come second, third, or even way way in the back. I tried to help others and I noticed something - the more I helped others, the sicker I felt. The more I put everyone else before me, the more my anxiety would beat me down. I took in everyone else's problems and made them my own. Years later, after removing toxic elements from my life, I discovered myself. I sat in a chair in a room in a house in a place that I had ignored. I looked down and noticed that I had a teacup filled with tea in my hands. I took a sip of the tea, smiled, and then felt the warmth coursing through my body. I drank more of the tea and remained quiet. After so many years of taking care of others, I wanted to take of myself now. I set my teacup in my hands and noticed ripples in the tea. I got up...

  (photo by Kimberly B. Richardson)   There are no walls here. Freedom is abundant, for a Price, to the highest bidder. The poor must stand outside And only imagine the clean Air, thinking it to be like Heaven, their collective sighs Garnish praise from the Wealthy and their wide Open spaces. This is unbalanced But balance has gone extinct Around here, something that ran Rampant but crushed under The heel of Evolution, if You believe that sort of Thing.

  Waiting and waiting and waiting. I absolutely hate to wait on anything. When I push myself to go faster, quicker, speedier, my anxiety boils up and suddenly, I'm in the middle of a panic attack. Have you ever gone through a panic attack? They feel like having a heart attack. One moment, you're tensing up because the person driving behind you is right on your bumper, even though you're in the slow lane, then the next moment you're suddenly breathing as though you've just run a marathon and your vision is blurry and you have a headache. Welcome to not waiting. I'm tired of feeling that way. I'm tired of people rushing all around me - hurry up, hurry up ! I now slow down, actually stop, and look around. I look around at the miserable faces, the people who need everything NOW! The people who yell at retail workers because they had to wait five minutes to get their item in a bag. The people who will fly by you and then give you the finger because how DARE you f...

  The fear of the unknown. That's my biggest source of anxiety, one that I know will never fully go away. Even though I am handling my reactions better, I know that it will still affect me. And I hate it. I hate not knowing what will come next. I hate wondering late at night if the next day will bring doom and gloom. I used to wake up in the middle of the night, wondering if something I said or did YEARS ago would come back to bite me on the ass. Will that one act I committed years ago finally come back as my undoing? Did I really mean to move away from everything I knew, everything that was a part of my comfort zone? What will happen regarding this virus called COVID-19? What will I do if I can't make any money through my creative pursuits? This new guy in my life wants me to move in with him; what will happen if I do? Why did I move to Colorado, a state about which I knew nothing about? I don't know anyone here - what will happen if I can't make any new friends? What ...

 20 some odd years ago, I met an older guy through Myspace. He was a talented creative person and I enjoyed his works, as did many others. When he would acknowledge me, I thought it was really special, not to mention cool. Here was this guy whose life was the kind I wanted for myself, only I had no idea how to obtain said life. Also, I had no idea what I wanted for myself AT ALL. After some time had passed, I noticed that he mildly flirted with me, yet it didn't dawn on me until years later. Sometimes, I am truly aloof. What happened next took place over many years - I flirted back and he flirted more, only to disappear for a time. What a cycle that I craved in my life. I felt as though my heart was breaking, yet I never gave up on trying to talk with him. Hell, not even speak to me, but at least acknowledge me. Whenever I posted photos online, I hoped that he would comment on them. And yet, in looking back, I only received messages when he felt like it. Well, I finally met him and...

  It was a day like any other - I had taken a break from work to talk with my boyfriend at the time. I knew he'd been with friends after a job interview. He had plans to return to his home city after being away from it for over ten years. I wanted to hear his voice, and my anxiety wanted to make sure that we were still cool with each other. Imagine my surprise when not only did he say that he was no longer interested in me, but he was telling me, "since so many guys flirt with you, why don't you pursue one of them?" I had told him that I met many men (and women) at sci-fi conventions while selling my books, and of course, many guys flirted with me. However, I wasn't interested in any of them because I was happy with my relationship. I couldn't believe what he was telling me, and twenty minutes later, I returned to work with tears streaming down my face. Years later, I wish I could tell him THANK YOU for what he did. Yes, he was afraid to continue the relations...

  Several years ago, I was on a literary panel at a convention with a big name Steampunk author. I felt myself trembling a little as I approached my chair to his right. He looked at me with a somewhat sarcastic look and told me that he didn't bite. I still felt nervous though, mostly because I knew him to be such a big name and that I was a peon. Years later (now), I looked up his work and thought - this man was not a god. He was and still is an author. And guess what . . . so am I. I used to place so much value on certain people I knew of and befriended because I thought so little of myself. I thought that I would never be a famous photographer, a violinist, or a writer. Well. . . . here I am - Certified Tea Specialist, published author of over 15 books, and owner of a tea company. A violin student once more and an attendee of a death cafe. And many other hobbies and fascinations. And yes, I am worthy to enjoy all of those things in my life. Just like everyone else. My life has va...

Having friends in your life is quite important. They can be a source of advice, comfort, laughter, good times, and a silent yet trustworthy partner. Yet, I learned some time ago that not everyone you call a friend SHOULD be a friend. For example, I've known people whose main purpose was to gaslight and deceive. Perhaps they were the ones who would only be your friend if you did things for them that they could do for themselves. Or, there were those who were only in my life to get me to make a change and then suddenly disappear. I used to wonder why those kinds of people were in my life until I realized that they were fulfilling a purpose that I didn't understand until years later. They were the ones who were the catalysts to bring about change. They were the ones who broke me free from my comfort zones and forced me to see a new side of Life. I read somewhere that everyone you meet is either a blessing or a lesson. It didn't dawn on me until recently that that statement was...

  It finally dawned on me today - Money is not my life. Let me explain: for many years, there were certain people who constantly told me that I needed to save my money and that my life was nothing without money. And so, I believed them. One person in particular told me to save money every time they saw me, or at least it felt that way. And every time they told me to save my money, I told them that yes, I was doing just that. Except I wasn't. What I was doing was ruining my credit and spending money like it was water. For many years, I felt as though I never had enough to keep me afloat. Another person used to tell me that yes, money did make the world go round and I believed them as well. Fast forward to today - I knew that a bill was coming out of my account tomorrow and after that, my account would have a low balance. I thought to myself, "damn, I'll be broke for a day!" I then stopped and thought and thought and thought. I sat in my chair in my office and realized ...

  (photo art by J.W. Bullard) Across the wide mouth of water Sat my beloved ready for me. My eyes focused on his out-of-focus face And knew that it was over. The water rippled a thin oil sheen, Casting an ill rainbow to the bottom. I wish, therefore, it must not be real. My lines, he told me later, consist Of murky reed pulled from too far. I am too far gone to reconcile with you, You who sit across the lake, filled With prayers that fall below. Viridian Tea Company - Strange and Unusual Tea Blends! Click HERE for the Etsy store link!  

Time slows down here Among the red chiles. The colours are bright and silent. I linger just a little longer Because I am peace. The sounds of the water Mingling with the music from the birds Reminds me to never stop Seeking dreams. Georgia was a goddess.  Viridian Tea Company - Strange and Unusual Tea Blends! Click HERE for the Etsy store!

  I wonder what it will be like When it is all over. She asked me to comb her hair Yet I refused; at least, I still Have that choice. Promise, my love, That you will not waste such Freedoms on me. Pain is merely an art, One that comes with tongues wagging. It’s not her, but I wish it was Me. Viridian Tea company - Strange and Unusual Tea Blends! Click HERE for the ETSY store link!

  Peel back layers of skin -  Raw, exposed but not bloody. Discover truths that died When people took over the Earth, killing the dinosaurs With cigarettes and coffee, a deadly habit, A vice they learned to love. Can we, a people, a race of skin Accept this notion that we die From the moment we scream into existence? Too harsh on the weak and simple brain Even though we use only 10% of it. Time dropping, longingly, on windows like a Dali, Forcing us to see ourselves fading Black becoming grey to white to falling      Rotting      Destroy Into that Void, the space of what we skin fear And created. Do you remember when we laughed? Joy came in vending machines And sex was dead, only touch was acceptable, Permitted. Now, it is bland, no flavor, stark And we skin cry rivers Our mistakes, our wars, refusal to accept this Simple truth To lie to ourselves, reminds us of our parents Back in the day. The cold set in, our  cold, our  unfeeling My,...

  I have seen him in my dreams So much a normal part of my night, now. He still scares me. His eyes, green, verdant, powerful -  They to me with emotions I have never felt When I was alone. The figure in my dreams hunts me down Night after night, yet smiles when he captures me As if he holds a fit of laughter So close in check. His long, twisted hair, fans softly across my cheek Sighs, long, drawn out, a longing Terrible hunger, unable to quench This Lord of the Green, Dionysus in the flesh. Madness, it comes for me Through the eyes of green, staring, holding me Bound, wrapped in His pagan arms. Am I feeling love for the first time? Or, is this the last? He smells of musk, freshly turned earth, Kisses made of water, magic And Death. Rough, calloused hands, made dark by moonlight Touch my face, that same smile lingers As a torment to my existence. Still, he does not tell me of the secret, The why of the smile, damn, forever Like Paradise Lost, Milton’s sacrificial lamb. “Make m...

  The rain patters quietly on the grass. Each drop from above is a sensitive kiss - what I focus on as I listen to you say that you no longer love me. Distorted focus helps the heart mend faster; of course it should hurt deeper - a realization that I am alive. I am still able to change, as are you. So you pack your things yet leave your books and exit my place, my eyes still focused on the extremely green grass. Too late to accept my wrongs, decided quickly over green tea sipped carefully one day with no conversation. Viridian Tea Company - Strange and Unusual Tea Blends! Click HERE for the Etsy store link!