Eccentric Tea Woman

Today marks my four year anniversary of moving to Colorado. For many years, I was riddled with doubts and anxiety, combined with a desire to people please, a desire to chase after people and things, and an allowance to be led around by the nose by people who honestly weren't good for me. The shift began in New Orleans, the city that I thought would become my forever home. Turns out I was wrong; it was the place where I would die. Not literally, of course, but metaphorically. I looked around and suddenly, I woke up. I realized that I had been living a lie just to appease others who didn't give two shits about me. I was running on empty and I seemed to like it. I did whatever others told me to do, mostly because I didn't have the balls to say FUCK NO. I told myself - that's enough - and then the true path began. Or rather, the new and improved part of my path began. I removed people from my life. I stopped bad habits. I asked myself - what do I really want? What do I rea...

  When Olivia woke up on a rainy Saturday, she realized that everything had changed. She looked at the rain storm outside her old windows in her bedroom then smiled as she slid out of bed. She walked down the narrow hall to her kitchen to prepare a cup of tea then stopped as she reached her living room. There were beer bottles all over the floor, along with issues of The New Yorker , several poetry books, and an ashtray overflowing with cigarette butts, some lipstick stained, and others just stained. She glanced at the sight, then plodded towards her kitchen. She really wanted a cup of tea. A rainy Saturday means that I can stay in and watch movies , she thought as she prepared her kettle. Olivia lowered her bag of Earl Grey tea into the mug and said aloud, “I don’t care anymore. All of it. None of it.” Although her words barely came out in a whisper, she felt as though the world heard her finalizations. Once everything was ready and the kettle slowly boiled the water, Olivia ret...

  For the longest time, I worked in Corporate America by way of investment firms and banks. I completed my tasks, got paid, made some friends/associates, and felt a little empty inside but it was what I had to do. I had bills to pay, an apartment to upkeep, and my life to enjoy. One day in 2019, I decided to leave my current job because I learned that my manager not only threw me under the bus with regard to a work assignment but also when I confronted her with the truth that yes, I had completed what she claimed I didn't, she never replied or acknowledged that she was wrong. I couldn't work under those conditions, and so I turned in my notice and began the shaky path of being self-employed. For those of you who don't know, I own an online tea business plus I am a published author. I guess I am a creative professional or something along those lines. I spent some time working solely on my loose leaf tea blends and my novels that would be published either through my publisher...

For quite some time, I have been an avid player of MMORPGs, specifically World of Warcraft and recently, Guild Wars 2 . I love the feeling of when I am about to delve into the fantasy world riddled with quests, meeting NPCs, and avoiding/engaging with other players. The scenery of each area, coupled with the sweeping music, makes me happily lose an hour or two of my day. However, it has recently dawned on me that while these games are fantastic to play, there are many lessons to learn regarding life. Here are several that I learned: One - Life is NEVER black and white. When you begin your journey into WoW or GW 2, you spend time creating your character. The race, gender, profession, and even colour of hair are quite important. You even get to choose your affiliation (Horde vs. Alliance) and so when you strike out into the world, you steadfastly hold on to what you believe in. However, the more you level up, the more you begin to see the blurred lines, that not everyone is pure evil no...

I dreamt I saw you before me. You hadn't changed a bit. Still the same asshole that I thought could change my life. In this dream, you smiled and I wondered if you were sad. How strange our minds can become when we are broken like discarded dolls. Perhaps when I awaken I shall realize my mistake of ever taking you seriously. Forgive me; my sins are still Being washed from my skin.  Viridian Tea Company - Tea, Books, and Artwork! Click HERE for the website!

  The gods of old speak to me. I refuse to listen, simply because I've got better things to do. They tell me to listen, Childe. Listen and understand that you are finally free to believe in us again. I raise my head and scream - how dare you! How dare you tell me to believe in you when that's all I've done? Because I believed in you, I was led astray. The gods fall silent, yet I am not done. I listened to those who were touched by you. I wanted to follow in their footsteps but instead I was mauled, raped, manipulated, and spit out over and over. Why should I believe in you when you've shown me nothing but darkness? The gods ponder my heated words and leave me alone for a while. When they return, they speak as one: We showed you magick because you are a part of it. You listened to others with the same colours only they have lost their way. They showed you their version of what we are but mangled and tangled and unable to be set free. You saw through it and walked away an...

  I want, I feel the need to control everything in my life. If I don't control every little fiber of my life, then something will go wrong. I will fall down on my face in shame and embarrassment. I will be a failure.  I used to be like that until quite recently. Like last week recently. I received not-so-good news regarding my small business on Friday afternoon. The letter fell from my hand and my eyes focused on nothing before me. I felt as though I had done something wrong when only later I learned that it was an honest mistake that would be handled in time. I kept asking myself how this could have happened to me. After all, I was in control of everything, right? Wrong. Yes, I am the owner of a micro business (I have no employees and no storefront), yet it has been a struggle these past several years. I am now waiting to hear from a job that will hopefully get me out of this quagmire. I was frustrated with myself for not having everything under control - I thought everything...

  When I turned 50 several weeks ago, I also turned into a knitter. For the longest time, I thought that knitting was some form of magick that I would never be able to access, let alone understand. I also thought that knitting was a hobby that little old ladies did in their spare time. Once I turned 50 and delved into knitting, I found that I was dead wrong. My boyfriend purchased a beginner's kit for me, then I took off. I purchased bamboo needles, watched an excellent beginner's knitting video  , and made time for this new hobby. Yesterday, I delved deeper into the world of knitting and discovered many organizations, yarn suppliers, and people who are passionate and happy about their love of knitting. I, too, found a hidden joy I didn't know I had, for it dawned on me that knitting was a HOBBY. For the longest time, reading and later working with tea were my hobbies until they became my job. I had no idea that I didn't have any hobbies to claim as a way to calm down a...

  This is a lesson that I just learned.  This morning began like so many mornings: wake up, play with the dog, look at the games on my phone, make tea, talk with my boyfriend, scroll through social media. Every time that I look at Instagram on my phone, I flick the screen with my thumb and give out likes to posts that appeal to me or have a pleasing/funny/insightful aesthetic. Once I've exhausted the list, I get dressed and jump-start into the day. However, by the time I "liked" my third post, I stopped and looked up from my phone. Something had dawned on me that I wasn't proud of and I had no idea that I had done it for so long. I liked posts without even looking at them. I didn't give the post more than five seconds of my attention before I went to the next one. I've been working on my mindfulness/meditation practices lately and the difference has been quietly astounding. I allowed my mind to settle before I looked at what I was doing. Millions of people use...

  This morning, I woke up to learn that I man I'd never heard of had died. Luis Vasquez of the band The Soft Moon had passed. A Goth band that I love made a post about his passing today, and when I looked at his band's profile on Instagram, I read many comments from people who mourned his passing, plus acknowledged how much they loved his music. I located his website and listened to several of his songs, then got angry at the fact that I wished I had known of his music sooner. If you're into post-punk, Goth/Industrial, or music that speaks to your soul, you need to give The Soft Moon a listen. While listening to the song Nada, my mind began to wander in a good way. I thought about highly talented artists like him, as well as indie authors, singer-songwriters, artists, dancers, and everyone else who has a creative backbone. Do they get the recognition they deserve? Are people seeking them out through word of mouth or by discovering their talents online? In being the owner of...

  a woman stared at me -  twice -  as I walked by her to get some water. I wanted to ask, does my presence disturb you? Instead, I fell silent because there is a greater  mystery to discover. one within ourselves. then again, maybe she  just needed water. 

  Finally, she said, I am ready to see the colours. She closed her eyes and opened her heart to the inner world that patiently  waited for her. It started slowly, mostly because  of the screaming winds outside. She saw those winds, saw who created them  in her mind, and with a flick of her paint-stained fingers, they disappeared. Was it really that easy, she wondered. All the years I allowed them to consume pieces of my soul. A voice, neutral in tone, asked - why are you still living so small? Her eyes opened in surprise as the truth was laid out before her. The colors lingered, knowing that there was more. She took her soul into her hands.  Now I am whole, I said.  Viridian Tea Company - Tea, Books, Art, & Photography! Click HERE for the Etsy store link!

  Hello, 2024! It's good to see you after enduring the ups and downs of 2023. Wow, that was some year. But, here you are, ready to go and ready to show us what you've got in store. I've been doing some thinking, meditating, and journaling, and I've come up with some plans of my own. No resolutions but more just reminders about not only this new year but also my life: Meditation has been a good friend to me for quite some time. I remember how the first time I did it, I thought that it was kooky. Once I completed my first session (listening to Cory Muscara), I felt something I had never felt before - a moment of slowing down and reflecting. When I decided to make a huge shift in my life, meditation came with me, held my hand, and said - you've got this. I'm here for you, but you've got this. My meditation practice has taken on new forms, but the message is still the same: get back to the breath. Holding onto regrets doesn't do anyone any good. I have sev...

  I feel softer now -  more laid back ever since I removed my bones. Pesky and hard, holding me back from dancing like a banshee.  Except now, the dance refuses to come. I sit on the floor, covered in cobwebs, and wonder - perhaps I got it all wrong. Maybe the assholes who yelled and manipulated me really had the key to a better life. The cobwebs tickle my eyes and I remember, yes yes, I did walk away because they refused to sneeze. I stand on my soft feet and glide around like a leaf with the knowledge that there is another way to live. Their horrific stares disappear the more I am honest with myself. I can feel my heart beating; not desperate (finally) but grateful. There are no windows here, thank the gods. I want to view myself fresh, naked, whole, finally fucking alive. My words. My soul. My view of the world is validated by the dreams made real through the dust of those long ago who tried to change me. Viridian Tea Company - Tea, Books, Art, & Photography! Clic...